On the whole, I do not relect on the day past, but rather on the day to come. The day past cannot be changed or affected in any way, and I have tried to live each day in the best way possible, and accomplish what needed to be done. So - no regrets, and no worries!

Everything! If I were to die today, I would do so with great satisfaction and no qualms. I am doing things I never thought possible, and enjoying every moment - good and bad. I am attending college for the first time, and am enrolled in a fantastic program with wonderful instructors. Everything is moving forward with the feral cat sanctuary and the many animals whom I care for, and the whole project will be a great blessing in this world. And I am finally learning to function successfully with my developmental disability, Asperger Syndrome, and it is changing from a hindrance to a blessing. Life just gets better with each wonderful day as I move forward in my life!

Everything in my life is sacred, the cats I care for, the rocks in my garden, the dirty dishes in the kitchen sink, the litterboxes I spend hours cleaning every day. Being a Buddhist, I am aware that each moment is sacred, each thing is sacred, each thought and look and word is sacred. Above all, I am a sacred being, because I am the Universe and the Universe is me.

It is hardest for me to give my time to other people. I have no problem giving my time and my life to animals in need, but I have never been able to connect with other people so freely. But I'm trying now, and when approached, I try my best to give my ear and my hands and my heart to those who will benefit from my insight and concern.

Everything!!!

Perhaps not the very latest, but definitely the most important - I have learned to be vulnerable, and torn down the walls which protected me from discomfort, but which also kept all of the potential blessings at bay. I am now working on being honest about my disability, saying "I don't understand you," or "I don't recognize you. Where do I know you from?" instead of pretending that I understood and recognized and had a firm grip on my reality. It can be disconcerting to be vulnerable, but the rewards are well worth the discomfort!

I would not whisper, but would shout, " I wish you confidence and freedom from fear; I wish you peace and freedom from pain; I wish you compassion and connection and forgiveness for those who have hurt you. And I wish you peace and security and the joy of living. Life is a glorious challenge - share it with those who need you in their lives!"

Responsibility - to the cats I have taken into my life to care for (somewhere between 50 and 100 of them), and for whom I need to provide the best care which I can. For their sakes, and then for my own, I am now attending college to gain the degree which will qualify me for a good career and a secure future. If not for the responsibility I bear the animals, I may have gone on suffering in silence for the rest of my life, instead of working to overcome my disability and get the education I desperately desire.

Overcoming the reticence of a feral cat, gaining its trust, and hearing the very first purr when it relaxes in my presence at last. This breakthrough moment gives me the greatest joy, because I know that this wild animal will have a safe and happy future.

The warmth of my bed, with (this morning) nine purring, snuggling cats. Not much room left for me, but if they're happy, that's all that matters!

A new career path, potentially! In my spring semester classes, I have been blessed with some amazingly inspirational instructors, one of whom has opened my eyes and mind to the possibility of a career in sociology. From being the woman who couldn't connect with other human beings to being he woman who studies them - what a change!

More amazing challenges, which teach me what I am capable of, and force me to succeed despite myself!

Living each and every day with gratitude and joy - prayer is simply being alive and knowing how wonderful every moment is, what promise it holds, and doing the best, most creative things possible with it.

The best thing about anger is realizing that you are a better person without it, and removing it from your life.

The question which had the biggest impact on my life was one which no one ever asked me as a child: What do you want to be when you grow up? No one asked, and I didn't have the consciousness to ask myself, and so I drifted aimlessly and unsuccessfully through my life.

The question which had the biggest impact on my life was the one I finally asked myself: What do you want to be when you grow up? After thinking and pondering and exploring my soul, I finally know that I want to work with words, and books, and history, and people, and animals. My future is now filled with wonderful possibilities!

If my home were destroyed in a hurricane (always a possibility here in the southeast!) I would find some way to care for my animals, by building a shelter from straw bales or mud or whatever debris is left behind. But I would really miss my books the most - they contain my mind and heart and soul. I couldn't live without them!

1) I was born stubborn, and refuse to give in to adversity.
2) I have accepted the sacred responsibility of nurturing the lives of many homeless cats and two dogs. Everything I do, I do for them first, and for myself second. They give me the strength to carry on!
3) The peace and confidence bestowed by my spiritual practice of Nichiren Buddhism. The Universe wants me to thrive, and I want to thrive for the glory of the Universe. Nam Myoho Renge Kyo!
4) People who have not yet found their own strength. I want to share what I have learned and help them to accomplish their goals.
5) Living with a late-diagnosed developmental disability (Asperger Syndrome) and not allowing it to defeat me.

 

Good Morning!  I am so blessed to be able to share my life with all of you today. Thanks to this amazing practice of Nichiren Buddhism, my life has developed into something so wonderful that I never could have imagined it. I am so completely happy right now, thanks to my faith. Every day just gets better and better. I am so blessed to have found this practice, and all of you.

In the world today, many people are suffering from adverse economic conditions. I have friends, neighbors, and classmates who have recently lost their jobs and are really struggling right now. I, myself, have suffered from adversity throughout my life. I am so grateful for adversity, and the benefits which it has brought to me. It is a gift from the Universe, which is designed to build us into better people, if we are aware enough to use it correctly. I'm so thankful for adversity that I wrote this poem about it to share with you.

Welcome!

I welcome the blessings of adversity,
For it has brought me
            tenacity, confidence,
                        and inner strength.

I welcome the blessings of adversity,
For it has taught me
            compassion, self-reliance,
                        and creativity.

I welcome the blessings of adversity,
For it has given me
            the courage to reach out,
                        and released me from pride.

I welcome the blessings of adversity,
Knowing that it will never defeat me,
            with the Lotus Sutra
                        in my life.

 Adversity has made me stronger, and more self-reliant, and more able to think creatively. It has taught me what really matters in life - not big houses and shiny cars and nice clothes and big screen TVs. What really matters is confidence and compassion and hope and faith. What matters is the ability to think of others, and to give your time and your patience and your ears to listen when someone needs to talk. What matters is to live a caring, loving life, whether we're living in a warm house, or living in our cars, or under a bridge. Because if we have faith in this practice, and we open our hearts to other people, then the universe will provide all that we really need.

I have discovered in my own life that I don't have to keep on suffering. Been there, done that! But with this practice in my life, I don't need to do it any longer. This year, I took a huge leap of faith, quit my job and started college, and I never want to look back. I decided that negativity has no value for me, and cut it out of my life. I decided to trust the universe, and myself, and devote myself to my dreams. And the blessings just keep flowing into my life.

 By being open to the blessings of the universe, and by opening myself up and sharing my life with others, every need has been met. But these are just physical things. The greatest benefits are things I never dreamed I could have. You, all of you, are an enormous benefit to me. You are my friends and my family and my teachers. You give me support and acceptance and love, and that means more to me than you can ever know. You have given me the courage to step out into the world, and the courage to meet strangers without fear. You have given me the confidence to succeed in my plans for the future. You have given me a life worth living.

I started college this past autumn, and have just finished my first semester with a 3.8 GPA. Not bad for a 273-year-old woman! In fact, I just found out that I made the Dean's List. I love college, and am so blessed to be able to do this. I am thriving on learning, and don't ever want to stop! I have recently made an addition to my Big College Plan. I am now resolved to get a degree in Library Information Technology, as well as the Associate of Arts degree and Creative Writing bachelor's and master's degrees.  I love books, and I love learning, so I just had to add this degree to my repertoire. The first three Soka Gakkai presidents Makiguchi, Toda, and Ikeda are so right - education rules!

I must thank Nichiren Daishonin, and the three Soka Gakkai presidents, and all of you. You have made this wonderful life a reality. Thank you all!

I am a natural Buddhist, which means it just became the way I lived my life and thought about the world when I was very young. Three years ago, I connected with my local group of SGI-USA Nichiren Buddhists, and have found a new family, which truly changed my life. But if I were not a Buddhist, I would be a Humanist, because they are about reason and acceptance of all peoples, not about dogma and blind faith. I need proof that something works, as well as the intuitive knowledge that it is right in my life.

I celebrate the blessings of finding my "new older sister" after too many years. I never dreamed that I would meet her, since my Mom had been forced to give her up for adoption when she was unmarried and still in high school. I had heard stories about my mom's first child, and hoped that she had a happy family to grow up in, unlike the dysfunctional one which I had. But I never dreamed that we would meet.

Last year, she contacted my mom after many years, and we finally met. What a blessing! My new older sister, Marcie, is such a gentle, wise, and accepting person. We have so much in common! When we first met, it was as if we had been apart for a month, not for a lifetime. The Universe really loves us, to allow us to connect after so long apart.

Neither of our families was a bed of roses. It turns out that Marcie and I have the same way of describing it, "We put the "fun" in dysfunctional!" But we met as adults, and so have none of the angst of shared familial traumas and conflicts going against us. We can build a relationship as friends and equals, and share our souls as sisters growing together.

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo!

It's not where you give your time that matters, it's that you give of your time and of yourself. Responsibility to something or someone outside of yourself is essential to a purposefilled, satisfying life. Responsibility is not a burden, it's a gift. Listen to your heart and your soul, and keep your eyes open to the possibilities. The right place to give of yourself is just waiting for you to discover it.

Other people's intentions - I tend to trust far too easily, and always to believe the best about people. In the past this has been a problem, when my trust was abused by evil people. But I guess I had some karmic stuff to work through, so I don't regret the pain they have caused me. I'm very thankful now that I seem to have corrected the imbalance in my soul, and now everyone I meet is filled with light and love and good wishes. Bless you all!

Courage, to do what I knew was right for my future security and correct the deficits in my education and in my life.
Confidence, in myself and in my vision.
Hope, for a safe and secure future.
Strength, to smash the glass bubble in which I have lived my life, and to step out into the world.
Love and appreciation for those around me.

Words! I adore words - writing them, making them, seeking them, creating them, discovering them, absorbing them, absconding with them. I am enthralled by every type of written expression, from ancient hieroglyphs, runes, and symbols to the plethora of modern type fonts in my computer's word-processing program. I love them on scrolls, in books, on walls, in sculpture; anywhere and anyway they chose to appear!

With much planning, deliberation, and forethought. I weigh all options, consider all possible repercussions, think about how a particular act will be a benefit or a hindrance to my life and path, and then (hopefully) make the most beneficial choice possible.

I have a HUGE family! There is the family which I was born into, 2 parents + 4 siblings + dogs, cats, turtles, etc. There is the family which was disconnected, but now rediscovered: my new older sister Marcie, and her brothers and pets. There is my Buddhist family at the SGI: Catherine, Christine, Desi, Hiromi, Robert, John, Mike, Bonnie, Paula, Reiko, Mrs. King, Mr. Powers, and a thousand more wonderful people. And there is my small, furry family, the Mythical Cats, and two dogs, Selkie and Nakali. All have brought different things of value to my life, each in their own way. I appreciate and love them all!

Patience/Love. I have discovered an enormous, deep well of patience/love in my self for those who need me to care for them, especially for the furry ones. It is so easy to love and accept them as they are, and to try to give them what they need to live and thrive. Their lives are my sacred purpose in life, my mission, my cause.

That people choose to go on suffering, when they have been given the tools to change. I've seen this in so many otherwise enlightened people, who just don't seem to be able to let the pain of their dysfunctional pasts go, and move into the fulfilling, successful life which awaits them. Why can't they BELIEVE in the change they can make?

YES!!! It's all in the attitude. What you look at with joy, or gratitude, or appreciation, is/becomes beautiful because of the way you feel about it. Of course, everything in existence or out, is beautiful in some way, for some reason, to someone. It's truly in the eye of the beholder!

March, 1990 - When I was very suddenly diagnosed with a brain tumor, and hospitalised for a very intensive surgery. I couldn't use the bathroom, or shower by myself. I couldn't choose my own food, and - let me tell you! - hospital food is indeible for a vegetarian! Even when the hospitalization was over, I was pretty much helpless for several months afterwards. It really taught me the value of self-reliance and independence, and showed me how easy living is - it's much better than the alternative! At least while I'm here...